When we first moved back from Florida, we were living with Adam's parents.
It was very gracious of them to welcome us into their home and let our little family invade their personal space, giving up the entire first floor for us!
Although I was very thankful, their home was not wheelchair accessible. Therefore, I had to use my walker to get around. We had no other options as finding a handicap accessible home was very difficult.
Using the walker was very draining. Fatigue set in big time to the point it was affecting my day to day tasks. Most of the time, I couldn't even get out of bed by myself or the toilet for that matter. This was the first I've really had to rely on someone else to help me in this manner. It was very draining on me emotionally as well.
With all the turmoil I was experiencing, I ended up in a full blown relapse again which caused full body paralysis and a week long stay in the hospital.
This was very hard on my children. They didn't understand why their mommy couldn't move the way I used to just days ago. But they were troopers and came to visit me everyday and were so loving and encouraging. Whenever they came in my room the place lit up with life and laughter! They know how to make Momma smile! Awe, My angel babies!
Anyway, after a long course of solumedrol and prednisone, I came out of the paralysis. Praise the Lord! I was so thankful this wasn't permanent. However, there were some lasting imprints from that nasty relapse. I had some huge losses. I was no longer able to walk and my left hand was clenched in and really had no movement. Going back to the in- laws was no longer an option.It was time to move and we had to find something quick.
We ended up finding a wheelchair accessible condo in Midvale that we moved to in January, 2012.
This actually was a pretty hard living situation to go back to. By this time we had already owned 3 different homes, so to go back to apartment style living with people all around you was very humbling, yet, we were very thankful we had the means to put a roof over our heads.
Although, this was not an ideal home, I decided that this was not gonna get the best of me. The Lord had a plan for us and I had to believe this was part of it. For the first time, I started seeking the Lord and His will for my life. As his ways are better than our ways.
As I sought His council, He reminded me of the New Years Spoken word that I had not yet started.
I'll admit, I was kind of nervous. But, I knew the Lord was faithful, and would get me through, even if it was hard. After all, he promised never to leave us or forsake us. (Heb 13:5)
I asked Him to search my heart and show me what areas he needed to work on in order for me to grow and mature spiritually.
This actually was not an easy thing to do. There was still so many hidden areas in my heart that I wasn't quite ready to address. Eek!
I had already walked down the path of forgiveness and at times it was a very difficult road. But when I think back about the journey... God's hand was with me every step of the way. He broke every chain that entangled me to set me free from a bondage that held me captive.
So after much prayer and meditating on God's word. It was clear My first spoken word was
As I looked back over my Christian walk, there were many areas in my life that I was definitely walking in complete disobedience. So the Lord was serious and was ready to clean house.
Okay, so that means I can't ignore that still small voice prompting me to step outside of my comfort zone anymore? Oh boy, what did I get myself into?!
Well I considered my self a disciple of Jesus following His lead. Jesus is the perfect model of obedience. Therefore, I needed to follow Christ's example as well as His commands. But How?
I dug into His word and listened to sermons on CSN and it was obvious-our motivation for obedience is love.
Then in Mark 12:30-31 Jesus says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
Ok, I can start there and start loving people the way Christ would want me to cause I already loved Him with all my heart. I started seeing who the Lord placed in my life in a new way (including my noisy, drug addict, in and out of prison neighbors) recognizing they were in my path for a reason. But, how am I to be obedient to Christ in the way I show love? Even to those sand paper people who rub me the wrong way?
I realized that I may be the only representative of Jesus in some peoples life, so I needed to love them as Christ would..... unconditionally. I adopted a new life phrase that I would filter my response to all people and circumstances through. "Put on your love Goggles and see the way Christ does.. through love."
Loving people changed the way I prayed also. I now was recognizing how hurt and unloved most people felt. So daily I started praying purposefully for the Lord to place people in my path that day that needed to feel the love of Jesus. I wanted to be used of God to shed some of His love into their life. Amazingly, the Lord set up divine appointments on a regular basis with people who needed to hear those 3 simple words " Jesus loves you"
This same year, I started teaching classes on forgiveness.This was very rewarding and fulfilling for me. I was being used by God to bring healing into others lives in an area that was once a stronghold in my own. Romans 8:28 right there! God was using all the pain I had gone through in the past for my good to let His glory shine to help others! I also was able to teach about the important principles I was learning about obedience and love. Because out of a love response and a repented heart, you're letting His forgiveness of your sins flow through you to others as an act of obedience.
I also learned that Obedience is an act of Worship. Jesus demonstrated the perfect act of worship when he said these words in Matthew 26:39 "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” This shows us the greatest act of worship anyone can ever give: obedience!
I was learning to die to myself and my own selfish desires and started praying in this same manner... not my will but your will Lord. Let your perfect will be manifested in my life today!
He was stretching and growing my faith in ways I had never experienced before. Placing things on my heart that definitely were not of myself. Asking me to do things that were completely outside of my comfort zone once again and then following the prompt in my heart with "Do this as an act of obedience to me." I was becoming familiar with His voice and learning to put my trust in Him more and more. Obedience was definitely a very rewarding spoken word into my life! Learning to be obedient to the voice of God and follow the promptings in my heart ( which is the Holy Spirit) has allowed my faith to grow by leaps and bounds. Obedience built trust and taught me how to love and serve others in ways I couldn't have imagined.
I want to be clear..... I could not have done this without the strength of the Lord and the Holy Spirit guiding my every move. It's important to remember that we believers are not justified (made righteous) by our obedience. Salvation is a free gift of God, and we can do nothing to earn it. “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone boast.” (Ephesians 2:8)
The only way to experience all that God has for us is to walk in complete obedience. Then we can be sure not to miss any good thing He desires for our lives.
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