Life is challenging; but we have the power to choose how we will respond to lifes difficulties. You can let them define you, let them destroy you or choose to rise above and let them strengthen you.
There is divine purpose behind everything we face in life to mold us into the person God created us to be.
Hello! My name is An-g Cunningham- and I'm Blessed beyond measure. I have two beautiful children, an amazing community of friends and family and Most importantly, I am a Born again Christian and live my life completely sold out to the Lord.
Over the past 13 years I have experienced a major transformation and I wanted a way to share my life experiences where I can be transparent. I want to share Gods love, trials and triumphs and encouragement. Therefore, I started a blog. :)
Life is full of disappointments, but we have the power of choice. We can either fall victim to our circumstances or choose to rise above and be used of God to be a blessing to others.I have not always had this mindset.... I allowed my circumstances to get the best of me and I ended up in the pit of despair for 4 years. But it was in this pit that Jesus pursued me and tugged on my heart to give it all to Him. When I realized the pit had nothing to offer me I fully surrendered my life to the Lord and my experiences are nothing short of AMAZING!
At the young age of 14, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. This unpredictable disease has changed my world...5 years ago I ended up in a wheelchair. But I know that the Lord in His Sovereignty has a plan and a purpose through my suffering. Psalm 119:71 "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." Not only am I dealing with this crazy disease but my son has Aspergers Syndrome. I guess you could say my plate is full... but my heart is fuller for having these experiences in my life and I count it all joy! I hope through this blog I can encourage you to rise above your circumstances and you will trust in the Lord to bring a peace that surpasses all understanding!
Life is too short. Live life to the fullest everyday!
To start reading- please start with Walking Free- my Journey under the Pages tab on the right or from the drop down menu above then all the posts under are in order as each post builds off the previous.
Thank you for taking the time to read about the work the Lord is doing in and through my life. I hope you find it as a source of encouragement in your life.
This last week has truly been one for the books. The Lord revealed himself to me in such amazing ways almost everyday that I'm completely blown away.. really no words can describe what I've experienced but I'm going to try.
If you are struggling and are facing difficult circumstances; I want to encourage you to put your faith and trust in the Lord.
Truly seek him and cry out to him for help.
I pray constantly. Through tears, frustration, excitement, doubts,happiness anxiety, fear, - you name it. As hard as things get- nothing stops me from praying. At times, it's the only thing I have. Just this week I started facilitating a bible study through Love God Greatly and what do ya know it's on prayer. So having these experiences this last week just made me hunger for tapping in to the power of prayer and really going to battle- not out of desperation and hopelessness but of Power and hope.
Don't for a moment think that God is ignoring you in your time of need; cause at just the right time he will show up and reveal himself to you in an awe- inspiring way- just to blow your mind!! So hang in there- this too shall pass and the Lord's glory will be revealed.
So about a week after Christmas I got sick with the common cold; Cough, runny stuffy nose and stomach ache.
Whenever I get sick, the m.s flares up in a bad way.
I dealt with extreme fatigue, weakness and bouts of paralysis that would come and go. I couldn't do anything for myself. It was beyond frustrating and discouraging and I was losing heart- I began to lose HOPE.
Days leading up to this I had been working on trying to build my upper body strength knowing my Tek-RMD is on the way and I was making some small but significant gains and now here I was paralyzed.
In these moments, utter defeat crept in and I started believing the lies the enemy was telling me. That maybe I wasn't meant to get better or stronger, maybe Adam should just put me in a home cause all I am is a burden to him and my children.
I didn't even know who I was anymore, where is my identity- who am I as a woman, a wife, a mother?
The thoughts that crossed my mind were just terrible. So believe me when I say I was defeated. For days, I cried- wondering why the Lord was allowing all this right when I had something to fight for- something tangible that brought me hope. It was a rough couple of days to say the least.
Thankfully, last Monday, Jan. 4th, I finally came out of the paralysis. I praised the Lord for his mercies.
But still, I was feeling defeated.
So I layed it all at His feet as I cried out to Him.
Lord, fill me with your hope. I'm defeated and crushed by my circumstances. Help me in my time of need. My body is weak and I need your strength. I'm feeling hopeless and I know that you are too good to leave me here so move in my life and circumstances- I need something to hope for. I believe in your promises and know you are working but waiting for them to come to fruition is hard. So, PLEASE Lord help me to find hope in the waiting. Reveal yourself to me.
That morning, I was on Fb and my memories tab came up showing me all my previous posts from that day. Well there was one that really spoke to my heart about Finding the presence of the Lord in our everyday life and it referenced Luke ch 2.
My family and I were reading the book of Luke and had just read ch 2 the night before. I was in awe of the way the Lord was showing me through His word to put my trust in him. That he will be faithful to fulfill his promises to me just like he did to Simeon and Anna.
Totally an answer to prayer. :) Lord I trust that you will fulfill your promises-I hear you. Once again though- help me to find hope in the waiting.
The next morning as I was driving in my car I was listening to my favorite cd " Lincoln Brewster: Oxygen" and the first song on his cd always gets me pumped and excited about the Lord. As I was singing along- I totally had an Aha. Moment.
Here I had been praying to the Lord for His strength and the words that were coming out of my mouth as I sang "The Joy of the Lord Is our strength." Hit me hard.
So I came home and looked up - the joy of the Lord Is our strength-and the first thing that came up was this study in Nehemiah ch 8 & 9. Truly every word ministered to my heart. I was weak and didn't have any strength because I was not placing my joy in the Lord. I was joyless.
Another answer to prayer.
The next morning, I was still struggling with my emotions a little bit; But, I was excited for my day as I had a bible study to go to with awesome women; which was totally another answer to prayer.
I had been asking the Lord to open the doors for me to be in fellowship with other moms in the day while the Kids are in school.
Well, my friend posted on fb about this amazing group of women she meets with for bible studies Wednesday mornings called City moms.
Um yes please!!
So I was excited to go that day as it was only my second time going and I couldn't wait. I knew the Lord had some "divine appointments" up his sleeve.
Right when I got there, I met this beautiful woman named Nicole and we hit it off right off the bat. I shared my heart with her about what's been going on and how I'm just struggling to find hope as I wait upon the Lord to fulfill his promises. We had an amazing encounter and she encouraged me that God was just refining me through the fire and when I have been tested I will come out beautiful on the other side of this.
Hmm. That sounds familiar. The Lord had told me this already once or twice before...
Then, just before we were to begin, Brooke our facilitator came up to me and said she was thinking about me and the Lord placed me on her heart to ask if I would be interested in giving a talk in a few months about HOPE
We had become friends on FB and she said she looked through my page a bit and felt led to ask me cause she felt I was an inspiration and could share my story with others to find hope.
Oh my word. Really hope? Totally something I've been struggling with. But, I know how God operates. He uses our weaknesses to let his glory shine. I was very humbled that she asked me and I gladly accepted. I mean I had a few months to study and gather my thoughts right?
Well it was a beautiful morning and when I got home, I wanted more of God so I decided to jump on k2 to catch up on some sermons that I missed since I hadn't been to church for a few weeks due to sickness.
I seriously couldn't believe it- but the series that I had missed was all on HOPE!!
Well the Lord ministered to my broken spirit in a HUGE way- so for the rest of the day I watched all the sermons on hope and took lots and lots of notes cause the Lord was speaking loud and clear-giving me everything I needed to find hope and to share it with others. This whole experience was life changing.
I realized I lost hope because I was putting my hope in everything but Jesus.
My hope was circumstantial.
When everything was going good and in my favor- (getting stronger, the Tek is coming) my hope was strong. But when the odds were stacked against me ( paralyzed, weak, needing help) my hope was lost.
I had another Aha moment. I realized that my only hope is found in Jesus and no matter what I'm facing I need to keep my eyes fixed on him.
Just like Peter walking on water- he was fine until he let fear and anxiety about his circumstances enter his heart and he took his eyes off of Jesus and began to sink.
The very next morning I got an email from Innovation health telling me my Tek-RMD is here and they will be bringing it out to me next week. Wow!!!!! The Lord knew I needed this good news and it was just one more way the Lord was lavishing me with His love.
I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for the way the Lord answered my prayers and was showing me exactly how to find hope!
I've been on an emotional roller coaster and have been for a very long time. Going up and down, round and round all because my hope and my joy have not been anchored in Christ. Always circumstantial.
For about the past 6 months I've been really doing some soul searching trying to find anything I can cling to, to give Me hope.
You see, now that things have slowed down a bit in our lives as far as all the medical chaos- (most of you know what we've been through these last couple years) reality is setting in and my husband and I are going through the grieving process.
We are both mourning the loss of the life we had dreamed of living together and we are processing the emotions of it in our own way- which we are not always understanding of each other.
I have good days .. Wait, let me rephrase that GREAT days when all I focus on is Jesus. But, the second I take my eyes off Him and start looking at my life and start comparing it to others; even for a moment; the waves of sadness, depression and guilt come crashing in.
This summer, I did a study that really had a lasting impression on me and after having these Aha moments last week; I've been reflecting back on some questions that are still ringing in my soul.
What are you pursuing right now? What has your attention?
Although, our situation is hard and the emotions we are feeling are understandable and we could totally try to justify our sadness.
I'm realizing that the reason it is that much harder to accept is because I have totally been focusing on the things I'm not and all the loss in my life rather than on all the goodness that has come through this and who I truly am in Christ.
I'm pursuing my own happiness and comfort rather than pursuing Gods divine plan and therefore, my attention is focused inward instead of upward.
Oh, Lord that you would "turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways."
How many of you saw the movie Inside out? Well this movie really had an impact on me cause this film puts a positive spin on sadness.
That sometimes it's only through our sadness that we can truly understand what joy is. Through sadness, we come to the end of ourselves and start digging to find answers. So I've questioned so many times why Lord... and now I'm beginning to understand.
I just love the memories feature on fb, as it seems the Lord prompted me to post it then knowing I would read it now and it be exactly what I needed to hear this day. This happen on three separate occasions last week. But I want to share this one with you cause it's full of promises for you and for me.
This post is from Jan. 9, 2011 from my devotional Jesus calling.
"I am able to do far beyond all that you ask or imagine. Come to me with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish. Ask My Spirit to control your mind so that you can think great thoughts of Me. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers
are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention.Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life.
Ephes 3:20-21 " Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21 Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen."
Father God, fill me with a hunger and thirst for You and Your Word. Remove anything that distracts my focus and attention away from You. Reshape and refocus my dreams, my plans, my hopes and my desires so that they align with Yours. When I resist, root in me Your promise that Your thoughts and ways are higher than my own, and Your desire for me is more than I could ever dream or imagine and I find my hope in you and you alone. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
As we embark on a new adventure in 2016. I can't help but marvel at the glory of the work of Gods hand in my life. I want to raise my hands up high in praise and shout out His name from the rooftops!!!
Our God is so faithful and the more I seek Him and His will for my life -the more the doubts, fears and un beliefs I carry in my heart are being shattered.
I truly am seeing the scope of all things in a deeper sense. Over the past month I have been deep in meditation and prayer as I thank the Lord for all He has provided and I've been preparing my heart for my spoken word for 2016. My oh my... He is so faithful. God has mighty plans..... And I'm so thankful to be a part of them!
With all that has transpired in our lives through the gift of my spoken word community. I have had a stirring in my spirit to be a part of something that will create change in the hearts of not only my family and I but for all those we have the opportunity to come in contact with.
You see, over the last year my eyes and heart have been opened to see the needs of those around me locally and globally and I want to create the change I'd like to see in the world. I'm just one little person but together we can accomplish great things Big and small. One of the greatest things I learned over this last year was that it takes a little from a lot to make things happen. We can get completely overwhelmed with everything that's going on in the world and just sit back and do nothing or we can decide we will start small doing a little and encourage others to join us and can create something beautiful. It just takes a little spark to start a fire.
My spoken word for 2016 is
Change Maker When the word came to me... I was like "what in the world is that?" So I looked it up and couldn't believe it. The Lord never ceases to amaze me. I am in a constant state of AWE!
What is a change maker you ask?
The ones who can see the improvements that can be made in a positive way for the betterment of all.
- the leaders
-the role models
-the inspirations
Megan
A Changemaker is anyone who follows through with making a difference in society, no matter how small that difference may be. Transforming humanity on the global level is often the doing of a Changemaker, but it all starts with small changes made by just one individual.
Raquel Arteaga
A Change maker is someone who sees the flaws of the community and people around them and seeks to change what some may deem impossible. Change makers stop at nothing to create the proper productivity the world needs to see. They are leaders and set the examples for those who can’t decide whether or not to be a change maker. They are people who are dedicated to making something life changing happen even if it means they have to go it alone at first. But like most rebels in history- the path to justice starts lonely and ends beautifully as supporters begin to realize how important becoming the change you want to see in the world is. Change makers don’t just make change, they ARE the change.
Destiny
A Changemaker is an ordinary person that does extraordinary things for the good, despite the flaws they may have. These people seek true, social, potent, and global change that make the simplest difference. Their change may even be a smile to a lonely person across the room, which in turn, causes that person to feel a sense of acceptance and worth. Or it could be traveling the world to provide clean food, water, and medical attention to the destitute. Whatever it is, we all have the potential to be genuine Changemakers in this world that so desperately needs it. Open your eyes. See what needs to be done in this world. Then, do it! That is a Changemaker. You know what’s beautiful? Anyone can be one. Let’s start now and never waste a moment to do good.
Savannah Esquibel
A changemaker is someone who has it in their heart to change circumstances around them. It could be someone who has a rough life and refuses to let that be the outcome of their life, so they decide to change others lives by helping them through it, and being an inspiration
Tishauna
A Changemaker can be anyone and everyone who wants to impact those around them for the better. Any type of influence can constitute a change, whether it is big or small. A smile to those walking by or building houses in other countries. They have a purpose and the passion to stick to the purpose, no matter the road blocks they may face. They know their cause is bigger than themselves and hold true to the positive outcome they would like to see. Changemakers foster more Changemakers to make a community of positive change.
Madison Stevens
A changemaker is a person with initiative. They strive to stand out and make a difference in their community. Motivated, they push for positive development within their community by implementing new ideas and practices. Changemakers are believers in progress, refusing to conform with outdated beliefs they blossom into free thinkers. Changemakers make a difference in their community, however large or small, by devoting their time and energy to those people and things that need it most.
Shannon Bailey
A Changemaker is anyone who
seeks to make a difference, who yearns to make the world a better place, who strives to be influential and shed a positive light. A Changemaker is a leader, working to guide us in the right direction. It could be a small and simple modification, or it could be a magnified and more dramatic shift; regardless it only occurred because someone was passionate and felt it needed to be done. They used qualities such as determination, dedication, inspiration, motivation, and leadership to transform an aspect of our culture, on either a local or global level.
Gianna Pappas
A Changemaker is a person who inspires someone to make a difference in the world. They help people find a common cause to strive for and encourage people to get involved in the world’s issues. They must explain that every little step towards the greater good can help. A Changemaker must be dedicated to changes, not only in themselves, but also in the greater community. They must be good listeners, persuasive speakers and compassionate people. Change must start with someone, and a changemaker begins a ripple effect that can CHANGE the world and the people who thrive in it.
Emma von Tscharner
When I hear the word “changemaker” I automatically think of a person who stands out. A changemaker is someone who makes a difference, no matter how little or big it may be. I picture someone in a crowd of people at a sports game decked out in school colors leading the cheers. I think of someone volunteering to help other people. I picture someone who you see walking around saying hello to everyone, and making each person feel special in some way. A changemaker does not have to be anything over the top, just somebody who stands out. It is somebody who is making not only changes in their direct life, but is affecting every single person around them in a positive way. They bring good change and a positive attitude. A changemaker is someone who changes things and affect the people around them in their own special way.
Sloane Booterbaugh
A changemaker is an individual that strives to make a difference, even in what may seem to be the smallest ways. Changemakers do not sit by and watch problems grow. Rather they overcome all obstacles and make the changes that they want to see in their community.
Lacey Hartin
I believe a changemaker is an innovative leader who is passionate about bettering their community by providing unconventional solutions to help resolve everyday problems. A hardworking, creative changemaker respects the values of the group that he or she is collaborating with while suggesting novel ideas for substantial change that will not only help others in the short-term, but will put into action lasting long-term practices. Changemakers are catalysts to change anywhere from local to even global transformation.
Cassidy Cunningham
I'm so excited to be a part of Gods plans and I will be in prayer that others will come along side me to be the change they'd like to see in this world.
Finally- up to the current year on my blog. Wowie!
When I first started this blogging journey- I had so much to tell as a lot had happened in our lives in such a short period of time.
I mainly starting writing so I could remember all the amazing things God was doing in our lives.
Due to the progression of m.s; my cognition, speech and memory deficits are extremely noticeable. I've come to find out through my most recent MRI that I am experiencing atrophy (shrinkage) in my brain. So with my memory fading-I didn't want to lose these memories and experiences!
I often find my self reading back over some of my posts to reflect back on Gods faithfulness during difficult times.
Through reflection, I am quickly reminded that if He got me through it then- he's sure not gonna let me down now.
So to just kick off this amazing year I've been having in 2015-I want to share my fb entry from Jan 1, 2015
"I'm excited for the new year! 2015 is gonna be a great year- I can feel it in my spirit! The Lord finally revealed my word for 2015!!! And it was confirmed in such an amazing way! I've been praying all month and the Lord has been silent..nothing. I was thinking maybe I'd start the new year with no word as I wait upon Him. The Lords timing is perfect....never too early and never too late!
So the word came to me a few days ago..
Hmmm. Community. What could this mean? Does the Lord want me out serving him in my community telling others about Jesus? I need clarity Lord is this really my word for 2015?
Then yesterday(Dec 31,2014-talk about perfect timing) a dear friend of mine invited me to join her in an online Bible study through Love God Greatly. This was the invitation:
Wondering what's up next at Love God Greatly?! Mark your calendars NOW for our Made for Community Online Bible Study... set to begin January 12!
In this brand NEW study, we'll be focusing on how God made us to commune with Him and with others. We'll learn what the Bible says about living in community with people in our families, the body of Christ, the local church, our communities, and our world.
Finally, we're wrapping up the study with a FUN twist, where we are issuing a practical CHALLENGE to groups/individuals to apply what we've learned through this study.
WOW!!!! Community it is! I'm so excited and can't wait to see this word manifested in and through our lives in 2015! Thank you Jesus!"
Aaahhh... I'm in complete awe of the ways the Lord has woven this word into our lives this year. Our hearts were challenged to love God and love people passionately with our lives.
So much has happened this year and I can't wait to tell you all about it. So mind you I'm wrapping my year up in a single post- so it's gonna be a long one.
Since I am caught up to the current year now I am going to start blogging more frequently as there is so much to share- so even with this summary- I'm missing a lot.So if you would like to follow my adventure with God, I would greatly appreciate you following me. you can sign up to receive my blog by email on the right.
Going into this year I had high hopes as we made it through the year of perseverance (only through the strength of the Lord) and with this new, exciting word "community" , I knew that this was gonna be an amazing year. What community means to me is surrounding your self with others; and I am a social butterfly so YES, I'll gladly accept this word!! Thank you Lord! I had been alone stuck in this House for far too long.
With just having two surgeries back to back in the month of December, I couldn't leave my house just yet but with my new spoken word "community" I had hope.
Recovery was slow and painful. At times,I really wondered what was worse- having a bad gallbladder and dealing with the pain of it or not having one at all. I truly wish I would have done more research before going under the knife to have my gallbladder removed. Cause oh, how my life has drastically changed.
I was in survival mode most of last year, so without much thought, I just went with what the doctors were telling me to do. So if you are having issues with your gallbladder- please try any alternative to see if you can bring life back to your organ. Change your diet- look into Paleo. (Come to find out gallbladder disease of gallstones and sludge is often caused from an intolerance to grains and gluten.) Or look into a Cleanse. Try anything and everything before proceeding with the surgery.
At my post op appointment, my Dr. said "ok you're free to eat whatever you want..." Ha ha ha funny joke!
Food does not agree with me.. Minutes after eating I'm rushing to the bathroom. So I was on a strict diet of water and saltine crackers for weeks.
Much of this year, I was playing games with my digestive system. Trying to figure out what I can or can't eat. Trying to figure out if there are any supplements to take that could help slow the process down and take away the pain. A lot of the time I'd just say bag it, I'm hungry ;trying to be like a normal person- but then, I was back on my throne again. (good ol'toilet) Lol.
I thought we had broken up with now having the suprapubic catheter. But now not going 20 times a day my legs have become weak and I can no longer stand up (or bare any weight for that matter) so not only was In there again but now I was stuck. So, I began praying. Ok Lord you have me here who needs prayer.
Did any of you see war room?
Yep the bathroom became my war room. Prayers plastered on the walls and door.
At the end of interceeding for others, I would plead with God kinda like ok now its my turn.. "please give me the strength and the energy I need to get up", practically begging. But nothing.
I would cry. Sometimes sob.
I was so tired of the bathroom ruling my life. But I had to trust that the Lord had a bigger plan.
I would call Adam to see if he could come home and help but often he was too busy , so I had to call the fire dept to come get me up.
I figured if they're coming there's a purpose for it-so I would pray again. Lord, you know who's coming and I just ask that you bless each individual. Let your presence be known in their life- what ever trial or hardship they are facing- have favor on them and let me be a shining light for you to them. . somehow be glorified through this.
The Firefighters would come and help me (talk about humiliating) But I had an amazing opportunity to share my heart with them. I would tell them that they were prayed for and God loves them. I would also share that I pray everyday for Him to put people in my path that need to hear that they are loved and appreciated and today it was them. There would be smiles all around and often times I heard "Thank you, we really needed to hear that today."
After they would leave, I felt a little guilty for crying and complaining- if God can use me to share His love and light through a little inconvenience to me... So be it.
The Lord was working behind the scenes to meticulously place people in my life who needed to hear this simple reminder.
It's kinda funny, one night Adam and I were talking and I said "You know as hard and humiliating as this whole thing is. I know the Lord has placed these firefighters in my life for a reason. They are out there serving the "community", risking their safety for the lives of others and now they were put in my life to pray for them, encourage them and share Gods love with them. The Lord knows I don't believe in accidents only divine appointments- So some how some way my butt is bringing glory to Jesus. Lol. Definitely not the way I thought I'd be used by God to bring glory to his name in the community- but when I look back and see the work that God has done I'm absolutely amazed!
Over this last year, the fire department has come to my house to assist me anywhere from 1-3 times a week.. so we were getting to know each other pretty well; especially the guys at firehouse #75, which is the closest station to our house. There are 5 Fire stations in West Valley with 3 different crews each. So a lot of different fire fighters came through here.
We wanted to show our gratitude and appreciation for all they've done for me over the year. So my nana came over and she baked them a pumpkin cheesecake roll and a red velvet cake and I put together a basket of blessings filled with a firemans bible, a plaque, Fireproof and a few other things to encourage them. I wanted them to know just how much we love them but Jesus loves them more.
Some of the crew and I at Station #75
We were always talking; trying to come up with something that would help me.
One day my friend sent me a video of this amazing new device called the Tek-RMD. Which is a stand up wheelchair. I was so intrigued. I watched the video over and over wondering and hoping that one day I could get one of these for myself.
I mean the thought of standing again and being eye to eye with people was overwhelming. There were two kinks though- it was not yet approved by the FDA and it cost about $20,000 and insurance won't cover it. They consider standing a luxury... really?!?! So I put it on the back burner for awhile and I signed up to receive their updates.
In the meantime, I was starting to get frustrated with my routine.
Eat, go to the bathroom and call the Fire department. This went on for months. I was so done with this and eating was becoming such a pain.
Although I knew God was working behind the scenes to put these fire fighters in my life- I was tired of having to call them all the time... I was tired of the routine.
I started to become bitter towards my circumstances.
I actually stopped praying for God to put people in my path cause whenever I prayed that- that meant I was gonna struggle that day and would have to call the fire department.
I went through a period where I just got fed up and didn't want to do this anymore. So most days I chose not to eat to eliminate me having to go to the bathroom.
It was just getting too hard and was wearing on me both physically and emotionally. I was getting weaker and some days didn't even have the strength to get on to the toilet by myself so it was just easier not to eat.
At first, this was very frustrating and still is at times. I started to get depressed - and for a few months it felt as of I just wanted to give up. But I knew the Lord was faithful and the verse "He that started a good work in you will bring it to completion" kept coming to me almost every
day. So, I had a heart to heart with Jesus. I truly didn't understand why he was allowing all this-but I was tired of wallowing in self-pity.
I decided to use my time to draw near to God. I started to feast on Gods word.
The verse found in Matt 4:4 "Man shall not live on bread alone but every word that comes from the mouth of God" became my life verse.
I don't necessarily think he meant it literally, but it was for me during this time of my life.
I learned how to manage my hunger pains by focusing on Him. When I spent my time studying, I didn't even think about food.
I have to admit though, I did miss my hot cup of coffee that went along with my studies. :( That's definitely been a hard one.
But, from making this a daily habit, I now had a love and dependence on His word like I never had before. and a deeper connection to Jesus.
I wanted to draw near to Him however I could. So along with my studies, I would attend church online at Calvary Chapel and I also started watching services at K2 the church that had me always wanting more.
Every study seemed as if it was delivered with me in mind. I was completely captivated and just loved Pastor Daves heart and passion. (It's contagious) I went to church there a few times physically, but their building was very small and not necessarily handicap accessible. So I continued to go online. They were planning to move buildings soon so I couldn't wait.
In February, 2015 they opened the doors to their new building (where the old 49th street Galleria used to be).I went on the Grand opening and I've been there ever since.
At first, it felt strange cause I had been attending Calvary Chapel for about 10 years so I feet like I was cheating on my church. But I knew this was where I was supposed to be. I had a renewal in my spirit and there was definite confirmation that this was the place the Lord was going to minister to me in the time and season I've been in.
Pastor Dave even did a sermon titled Be Hungry. Are you kidding me?? I'm starving Lord- but let my hunger for you be more satisfying than feeding my flesh.
This sermon ministered to me in such a huge way. I'd highly encourage you to watch it. You will be completely blessed.
Every week- each sermon spoke right to my heart. And I heard the word "community" more times than I can count. They want to make sure you know you're important and want you to feel a sense of "community" when you enter the doors.
A few short weeks after going, they announced a class starting up for all the newbies who want to draw closer to God and closer to each other called Base camp.
Oh ya sign me up!
It was a 6 week class that went hand in hand with the study on community I was doing with Love God greatly. I was gaining so much wisdom and knowledge on how to be in community with others and the class was a life application of these lessons.
Through the studies on community I learned just how important it is to surround ourselves with like minded individuals to be there for one another.
We need people in our life that will encourage us to fight the good fight, that will walk along side us no matter what we're going through and will hold us accountable to follow through with our commitments to God and others. By doing so we will both be stronger in the Lord.
We cannot gain this kind of strength without each other.
As these studies were coming to am end, I was craving more of Jesus and more of others.
Thankfully, Love God Greatly announced their next study- 1st & 2nd peter becoming living stones in a dying world.
We had an online study group that did these studies together and our facilitator had decided to take a break and asked me if I'd like to facilitate this next one.
At the beginning of this year there was a popular song on the radio called "Take this city" by Everfound and every time I heard this song, I got a fire in my spirit and wanted to share the Love of Jesus with others. So I declared this was my theme song for the year.
With this study the Lord was going to show me exactly how to be the city on a hill shining bright for all to see the glory of God and I was going to be challenged to lay my stones down.
YES, YES, YES!! I will gladly facilitate this study!
This study was so rich and the Lord ministered to my broken heart in a huge way by reminding me that we are not promised a life without trials but through these trials we will come out stronger- refined by the fire.
I was still battling depression while going through this study.
I realized I wasn't laying down any stones just sitting here angry and bitter toward my circumstances. So I confessed my sin and started praying again for God to use me.
That same day, I jumped on Fb and the memories tab came up and the Lord ministered to me through one of my own posts that he prompted me to post years ago! Amazing! I want to share it with you in hopes it blesses you as well!
Trials... They will come.. That's a definite. But how will you handle them? For me, I am definitely shaken when sickness comes. Sometimes it's overwhelming. But I know as a child of God nothing happens in my life unless it is sifted through the hands of God first. Sometimes I really question why he allowed such things, but trust that even though what I'm going through is extremely difficult, there is a purpose for it. In hindsight I always see the way the Lord worked in and through the trial and I wish I would have had more faith and put aside worry and fear. I hope and pray that today's devotional will touch your soul... if you are personally experiencing a difficult time. just know that it may be only for a season and that God is refining you!
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. —Job 23:10
Trials have a season. Whether for weeks, months, or years, trials last for an appointed time. As Job 23:10 indicates, “When he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.” At some point in the future we will be refined into something we are not now, but the results will only be apparent after the process called “trying” or purifying.
God knows it all—every detail of the road of life we travel, everything that has happened and will happen along the way. ”He knows the way that [we] take,” and He is perfectly positioned to use it all in His work of “trying” us into gold.
Ask people about their trials and you will see that much of the struggle is about when. The time factor during difficulties can become overwhelming because events seem to move slowly and there is typically no end in sight. Sometimes we think, If only I knew now what the outcome would be, even if it isn’t exactly as I desire, I could begin to deal with it.
Meanwhile, if we are walking by faith and resting in the promises of God, we don’t have a lot of questions about what. We know what God has promised to do—His intention is to bring good out of any trial. So the only thing left to be burdened about is when. When will God act? When will God plead my case? When will God heal my body? When will God restore that relationship or bring wholeness out of loss?
When—that’s what we most long to know!
Job 23:10 assures believers that the time is coming. There’s going to be an afterward. Hold on—there’s going to be an end to this trouble. God is watching your life and at some point in every trial, He will say, Enough.
Job’s assurance can be yours today. Get under it and don’t waste any days. God will bring you out of the crucible. Painful seasons do come to an end. When will He do that? God’s Word answers, “When He has tried [you].”
Whether you are in the heat of the crucible or sailing on smooth seas, your life is in God’s hands. Settle into the knowledge that He has your best in mind. Echo Job’s prayer each time you are tempted to wonder why life is the way it is—You know the way I take, Lord, and when You have tried me, I will come out as gold.
Journal
· What have you learned about dealing with the question of when regarding God’s timing in your life?
· In what ways has God already created gold out of your experiences?
Pray
Lord, thank You for the wisdom You gave Job to declare Your glory in the middle of unbelievable trials. Give me the presence of mind in my conversations to point to You when others wonder what is happening in my life. Make my words not blame but praise.I will not fault You for what happens along the way, but I will seek to find Your glory in every season of my life. Thank You for graciously making gold out of me, a task only You could accomplish—to Your glory. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Can I get an AMEN???
A few weeks later, I received an email from Matia Robotics telling me the Tek-RMD had been approved by the FDA and were beginning to ship to the U.S.
Wow! I was so excited!!! I couldn't contain myself -so I got to work. I was encouraged by several people to open a GoFundMe page to see if we could try to fundraiser for the machine; as I really didn't want to go into more medical debt if we didn't have to.
We were off to a great start but after about a month- the donations trickled off and it stayed at about $5,000 for a couple of months.
One day, I was posting an update on the GoFundMe page and I was a little sad as there hadn't been any new donations for months. The Lord knows we didn't want to go into further medical debt will all the bills we still had. So I cried out to the Lord for his help. He sees and knows our need so I gave it completely over to him. I said this is your baby now Lord. If it's your will for me to have this and it wilI help me gain independence then put this into the right hands. I trust in your provision Lord.
Well as I sat there at the computer, I got hungry so I gave in and ate something (ya, I would do that once in awhile ;) )
But once again, I was back on the throne and had to call the fire department to come and help me.
That day, I definitely had a divine appointment and I knew it too as I sat there and prayed while they were on their way.
A couple of great guys from Firehouse #75 came that day.
They mentioned that they hadn't seen me in a while... So I shared my heart with them.
I immediately started bawling. I told them all the frustrations I had been having and the reason they weren't seeing me anymore was because I wasn't eating.
I even confessed that I stopped praying for God to put people in my path- cause every time I did- it meant I was going to struggle that day and have to call the fire department. I shared with them that although I wasn't calling them anymore they still were on my heart and in my prayers everyday.. As I knew the Lord put them in my life for a reason. But I was just defeated.
They were both were very sweet and tried to cheer me up by offering to help with anything around the house. I humbly declined. They didn't need to do anything like that for me- they did plenty helping me already. so they went on their way and I went back to the computer updating my page.
About 10 minutes after they left, I saw the fire truck pull back up to my house.
They had noticed that I had a light bulb burned out in my bathroom and came back with new light bulbs to change it.
I was completely overwhelmed with gratitude that they would be so kind and generous to do that for me.
They proceeded to tell me that I am one of the nicest people that they've ever met and they would do anything to help me and wish there was more that they could do.
They said they had a couple meetings with the different crews; where they talked amongst themselves -wondering what else they could do to try to make my life easier.
So a door was opened for me to share the Tek-RMD that I'd been fundraising for. I showed them the video and printed off the GoFundMe page and said if there was any way they could help spread the word that would help a lot.
A few short weeks later I got a call from them. They had discussed our fundraiser and wanted to throw a "community" yard sale to help. I was completely overwhelmed. Words can't even express the feelings that I had. Just very humbled that they would do something like this for me. Wow Lord- talk about an answer to prayer.
The yard sale was set for Saturday, November 14th.
So now we needed to get to work to get the word out. But first we must pray.
Pray for the Lords blessings, guidance, peace and provision for a successful day. And pray especially for the weather. As November is not necessarily know for yard sale season! ;)
West Valley City made up some flyers that we posted around town to get the word out.
We plastered them everywhere- churches, libraries, stores, bowling allies etc. and Quincy and her friends made up posters to hang all around the neighborhoods.
The week of the yard sale, I was just reeling in excitement and anticipation. I was so overwhelmed with all the love and support we were receiving from our community. Even better was the sweet reminder from our Lord who was faithful in telling me to cast all my cares and burdens on Him; as He sees and knows our need. At the beginning of the week, I started facilitating a new Bible study through Love God Greatly on the Names of God and The Lord was faithful in even the name we studied that week. "Jehovah Jireh"- our provider!!! Wow!
As we were gearing up for the community fundraiser - my anxieties were up. Anxious thoughts kept running through my mind.... "Is the weather's going to be nice? Please Lord let the weather be nice. Will people show up? Will we be able to raise enough money? What will happen if we don't raise enough? Did I advertise it enough, are we getting this into the right hands? Worry, worry, worry so I turned to Jesus "you know my need, you see my need- please, please, please provide. "
I felt at peace and then more and more thoughts kept coming back into my mind- and God is simply whispering "put your faith and trust in me. I will provide. I am your Jehovah Jireh!
The night before the yard sale, I was filled with His peace that surpasses all understanding. I was so grateful for the peace the Lord had given me that night.
Thank you Jesus! To God be the glory as I was ready to shine for Him the next day knowing and believing it was going to be a great day and that the Lord had many "Divine Appointments" up His sleeve.
It was surreal, this day meant so much to my family and I.
It was a huge success and we had an amazing turn out. We all were so overwhelmed and blessed by the outpouring of love and generosity we received from so many in our "community."
We were so thankful for all the time and effort that the west valley firefighters did to make this happen. So heartfelt Thank you to Fire Station #75, the West valley City Firefighters local 2970 and all the firefighters and their beautiful wives and families who came out and spent the day with us.
Also a shout out to the all other Fire Stations in the valley who came out to show their support.
One firehouse brought an entire dump truck full of donations to sell! It was awesome!
To the many friends and family who came... Your support and generosity meant so much to us.
The kindness and generosity we received from perfect strangers was so touching. One guy came by after reading the paper; didn't even look to buy anything just dropped off a check for $500 and there were several elderly people struggling with their own health who after reading the paper came by just to make a donation- it was so heart warming.
Also a big thank you to Pam with the Salt Tribune for writing such a beautiful article, ksl for the news story and article and ch 4 for coming out and showing a story on the news.
And finally a huge thank you to the countless individuals who donated items to sell and the many who have donated to our GoFundMe page.
We received a total of $7,567 in blessings at the yard sale and $860 in new donations on the go fund me bringing in a total of $8,467 that weekend!
Thank you Lord for your provision and for sending individuals to be used as your hands and feet to shower our family with blessings and it couldn't have been a more beautiful day- not a cloud in the sky!! Absolutely amazing!!
We were so close to reaching our goal that the west valley FD was determined to get us all the way.
Just a few short days after the yard sale Aaron from west valley Megaplex contacted the fire department and presented them with a fundraising opportunity to rent a theater at a discounted price showing the Good Dinosaur.
We thought and prayed about it for a few days and decided to go with it... why not. The Lord has been faithful this far-he's not gonna let us down now.
So we started advertising. The west valley firefighters local 2970 set up a page on their website where the public could purchase tickets to our event online and made quite a few flyers that the girls and I took around to the neighborhood.
We were getting so excited! Just about a week before our movie event, the CEO at Innovations health came to Utah to meet with some different medical groups and brought the Tek-RMD over to my house for a test drive. wow.... I actually get to try it out!
My emotions were all over the place in anticipation. I was nervous, anxious, excited, scared, hopeful, worried.... It was a lot to deal with.
I was worried that the machine wouldn't be all that I hoped it would be and all this work we've been doing to earn money for it would be in vain.... I just didn't know. I've only seen videos but truly felt the Lord put it in my lap and was the one orchestrating everything to make this happen. So I tried to calm myself the best I could- but boy it was hard- this was a BIG deal.
When he arrived, my anxiety went through the roof. Oh boy here we go.
As I began to try to get into the machine I noticed right off the bat- the cushion that goes under me is so big- how in the world was I gonna do this? In order for the cushion to fit we had to lift the arms of my wheelchair up- then I had nothing to use to push myself up onto it. So I needed help. so there's one thing that didn't work for me..... que the disappointment and tears.
Then as I went to pull myself up in it- I couldn't do it. It made me realize just how weak I truly was- so at this point I was heartbroken..thinking now what?? I wasn't gonna be able to use this independently like I had hoped and longed for. I was confused- why would the Lord bring me this far just to dangle a carrot in front of me. So when Dan left- I was pretty sad. But I'm thankful my family was there for support.
My Dad, step mom, mom and my sweet little family was all here.
It was quite emotional for all of us. We talked it out and truly felt I was still supposed to have this. That maybe something could be done about the cushion and I needed to start working out to build my upper body strength. That there still is so many benefits to getting this device.
I was pretty upset. But I got a call from Dan the next day and he said he wanted to come back over to talk and let me try it again. I was so determined. But still those two components were in the way from me using the Tek independently. But Dan was very moved by my positive attitude and my drive to make this machine work for me. He was quite honest with me and said I wasn't the only one who has a problem with these components and he was going to do his very best to make this right for me.
He wants to use me as his protege to fix this machine,so more people who are in similar conditions could benefit from it. So he wanted me to think about it and he'd be in touch in a few days- as they were already building my machine so I needed to decide quick.
So we prayed hard about it and weighed all the pros and cons and felt we were still supposed to go through with it. I need to start standing and what better way to do it than with the Tek. Yes I will still need help- and lots of it... But I want my independence so badly I'm gonna fight and nothing worth fighting for comes easy...right? So I've gotta get to work and know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13
Minus the difficulties getting into the machine independently, once I was in it I felt so safe and secure. I was driving around everywhere. I stood at the stove pretending to cook, actually got to see my son eye to eye and for the first time saw just how tall he really is... definitely taller than me.
The Tek truly is an incredible machine and I was so thankful I had the opportunity to try it out.
I was standing in the machine for about 20 minutes and it seriously felt so amazing. I know things will start out slow and I will have to work to build my strength and endurance. I have to realize I haven't stood independently for 3 years now so. I need to be patient.
This whole day was much more emotional than I had anticipated but my hopes were high.
We gathered our composure and on Dec 8th, the west valley firefighters local 2970 hosted our fun night out at the movies.
screen shot of the movie screen local 2970
This night was absolutely amazing! we were so thankful to everyone who came out to show their love and Support for my family and I. We understand how difficult it is to go out on a work/school night especially with little ones so to everyone who came out- it truly meant the world to us.
Before the movie began, I was given a microphone so I could share with everyone exactly how much all of this meant to me. And I'm gonna share my gratitude here too with all of you. some of it may seem redundant but I'm gonna share anyway (as if this post isn't long enough..
I have so many people to thank but first I want to share my appreciation for my beautiful family Adam, Macoy and Quincy who do so much for me day in and day out. You all bless my life so much and I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you.
To my many family members and friends who do much for me- whether it's call me on the phone with encouragement, taking me to countless doctors appointments or coming over to help me clean my house or bring a hot meal. Thank you!!
I pray everyday for God to put people in my path that need to hear that they are loved and appreciated.... And for the last year it has been the fire department.
So I literally have no words that can express my gratitude and appreciation for all that the amazing men and women of the west valley city fire department has done for me over the years but they hold a very special place in my heart and I will be forever grateful to God for putting them in my life. Not only have they been there to help me with my physical limitations, They've gone above and beyond to help us in our fundraising efforts too. so a huge thank you to all of you who have put so much time, energy and resources into making this happen. I know this has been a collaborative effort so thank you.
I also have to share with you something else that is very dear to my heart because tonight is a manifestation of something even bigger than ourselves. You see Every year instead of coming up with a new years resolution that is bound to fail, I ask the Lord to search my heart and show me an area he wants to work on in order for me to grow and mature spiritually to add depth and meaning to my character.
And Every year the word he has given me has helped me to see that the Lord is intimately involved in every aspect our lives to reveal his character and to see the work of his hand all to his glory.
When the Lord revealed my word to me for 2015 I had no idea this is what he was going do with it.
But my spoken word for this year is community.
I wish I could go into all the details of how this word has been woven into every fiber of my being during this year but we don't have time for that -I think we've got a movie about a dinosaur to watch... But to see the way that the Lord has specifically placed each and every individual that has played a part in helping me when I felt helpless or has come along side us to help in our fundraising efforts has given me so much hope.
The best way I know how to illustrate this is to tell you a little Bible story.
in the book of Exodus, the Israelites had just been delivered from Egypt by Moses and they were facing battle with the Amalekites. The Israelites were not warriors. They knew nothing of organized battle. They had been in bondage for the last 400 years. So the odds were stacked against them, but God was on their side. The battle was fought on two fronts, spiritually and physically. Joshua led his men who physically fought the battle, while Moses led the fight spiritually. As Moses lifted his staff towards the heavens, Israel prevailed but When he let his hand down, Amalek was winning. So when Aaron and Hur, saw Moses was becoming weak and could no longer lift up his hand in prayer to win this battle they surrounded him, lifted and supported his hands to keep them steady until sundown. The Amalekites, were defeated.
God was the divine source of the Israelites’ victory in battle and He remains our divine source of strength, protection, and victory in the battles that we face today. He taught the Israelites the importance of combined spiritual and physical warfare to ensure success in battle. Joshua with the sword in his hand, while Moses lifted the staff with his. Obedient prayer and action were both necessary to have victory.
My reflection of this beautiful picture is what community means to me. God has designed us to be in community with each other to support, encourage and strengthen one another and to come along side those who need our help. Maybe it's a word of encouragement to those who are weak in spirit or someone you know who is crushed by their circumstances and you could give them a helping hand to lift them up whether it be physically or spiritually.
when Moses was tired his brothers lifted his arms up for him to continue the fight. There are times when we are weak and feel like we can't go on either. That is why it's so important for us to be in community with each other to surround ourselves with people who will be there to lift us up and encourage us to fight the good fight to never give up and to be humble enough to ask for help when we need it.
we need each other. We CANNOT win these battles alone! We need those who will
go to the hill top and pray over us. We need friends who will come along side us and hold up are arms as we grow weary.
We were made for community…
We were made to work together
We each have an important role to play in each others lives- we are a team cheering each other on to victory.
So i just want you to know everyone one of you have played a part. you who are here tonight, those who have prayed for us, have given a helping hand or a donation to help me get the Tek-Rmd. You are helping me fight my battle against Ms. So many of you have been my Aaron and hur lifting me up when I'm weak mentally, physically and spiritually.
So just seeing how God has used each individual in our community to make my dream of one day owning the tek rmd a reality is by no accident but by design. It has been a "community"
effort and every individual was used by God as an instrument to make this happen.
So I'm happy and extremely excited to tell you all that
WE HAVE REACHED OUR GOAL!!!!!!
I can't believe this is really happening but my Tek-RMD has been built and shipped to America this week- so I should be receiving it very shortly.
I still have a ways to go to be able to use this machine independently, as I'm kinda weak. Ok I'll admit it- i have spongebob muscles so I need to build my upper body strength. But I want my independence so badly I'm going to fight and as we know nothing worth fighting for comes easy, so your continued prayers and encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
And I'm reminded that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Once again. Thank you, thank you, thank you to God be the glory! God bless you all for playing a part!
This year on community has been life changing. I wish I could tell you every experience but I think this post is already long enough... don't you?! LOL. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my year. Not only has the Community come along side to help me but I hope I too have made an imprint in the hearts of those I met and had the privledge of serving, praying for or encouraging in the community. I've had so many amazing encounters with others that I might just have to make a whole post about these "Divine Appointments" My eyes and heart have been opened to how I can play a bigger part in the community, not just locally but globally. I have realized that there are hurting people everywhere and we can all play our part in making a difference. It takes a little from a lot to make a difference. ~ Community~
My amazing firefighter friends over at Firehouse #75 are hosting a garage sale fundraiser to help us in our efforts for the revolutionary TEK-RMD. The new stand up wheelchair that was just FDA approved.
Saturday, Nov 14th
Granger Elementary school
3700 South 1950 west
9:00 am- 3:00 p.m
We are accepting any and all donations to sell. Please bring your items to Granger Elementary the morning of Sat Nov. 14 between 7-9 a.m
Please consider joining us! We'd love to see all your beautiful smiling faces!
I can't say thank you enough to the West Valley City Fire Dept for what they are doing for my family and I. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude. I'm just beside myself for all the time and effort they are putting into this.
As many of you know, I have been battling m.s for 23 years; since the ripe age of 14. About 5 years ago the disease transitioned into the next phase-secondary progressive M.S and life has never been the same since.
I am a firm believer that everything we face in life has divine purpose to mold us into the people God created us to be; so I know that the Lord in His Sovereignty is using my affliction to build our faith, trust, endurance, hope and character.
Although we have faced many, many trials-our journey has been truly Amazing!
Those that are closest to us understand the depth of my needs and know how much this device we are trying to raise money for would change our world!! But for those of you that don't know you can read about it here.
Literally, a huge burden would be lifted from my 2 beautiful children who help me endlessly and my amazing husband who has been lifting and carrying me around for the past year.
We have been racking our brains on how we are gonna try to make this easier on us. Over the past year with the burns, gallbladder removal and various surgeries. I'm in quite a predicament. I can no longer bare any weight so just the simplest of tasks becomes nearly impossible. The wheelchair I'm in doesn't fit into any of our bathrooms-its too wide and bulky for the small bathrooms we have and not being able to bare any weight makes this... well... extremely difficult. Without having a gallbladder eating has become extremely burdomesome as food does not agree with me. Therefore, most days I'm starving myself so i don't have to go to the bathroom.I'm tired of living like this and I believe there is better days ahead.
I've lost so much independence and this device would give me the ability to do so many things that we all take for granted.
I love my sweet husband and dear firefighters who have been here for me day after day, week after week, month after month to help me- but oh how I long for Independance.
Here's An explanation of the Tek Robotic Mobilization Device:
" At Matia Robotics, we created the Tek Robotic Mobilization Device not as a wheelchair alternative, but as a brand new mobility platform that completely re imagines the way individuals with paraplegia and other walking disabilities are able to move in the world. The ability to independently and safely sit, stand, and navigate environments that were once inaccessible, is now possible, safe, and available by reservation."
Words cannot even begin to express the excitement I feel thinking of how much independence The Tek Robotic device would bring to me.
It was just FDA approved and they are beginning to ship to the U.S.!!!! Yee haw!!!
Because there is such a high demand-they do not accept insurance as payment. The device is $18,000 (plus S & H) -which is really a smoking deal considering the cost of a traditional motorized wheelchair.
We don't have this kind of money and really do not want to go into further medical debt if we can avoid it- so we are graciously asking all of our dear friends and family if you could help us!
Please share our story too cause it just might take a "community" of people coming together to meet this need. But I believe it is possible! Hope is alive!!
Asking for help is not easy for me- So just know I am very humbled and grateful for any support you would be willing to give to my family and I.
Gods many wonderful blessings to you all!
Check out the Tek Robotic Mobilization Device here:
Warning: This is gonna be a long one. So I've got to break it up into four posts. That's how difficult yet rewarding this season was.
Please bare with me as you read about this year- I'm being completely transparent here... holding nothing back. so there might be things that are completely uncomfortable to read about- but its my story and if something I've gone through can be a source of encouragement to someone out there then its all worth it-To God be the glory!
This year was brutal to say the least. The struggles, trials and very difficult circumstances we had experienced, took us to depths I never thought we'd face. Every aspect of our lives at one point was turned upside down.
At times, my faith waivered and I questioned God's goodness and wondered how this could possibly be His plan for my life. I cried more than I'd like to admit and I even lost myself for a while. I isolated myself and it was a very lonely place. A place I never want to see again.
Thankfully, the Lord was faithful even when I was not. I'm so thankful for God's grace and mercy to carry us through a very challenging and difficult season. Through this, my eyes have been opened to see how God uses these times in the wilderness to build our character.
I know God has used this season full of frustration to help me grow in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. I am still a reluctant convert to patience and trust. But I am thankful God is patient with me, even when I am not patient with God.
Here's where it begun
At the beginning of December, 2013, I started preparing my heart and asking the Lord to reveal to me the word for the upcoming year.
Perseverance was the word that came to me. But, I denied it. That one was too hard. So I waited until God would reveal another word to me. (ha, as if ;) )
Well just a few short weeks later, on Dec. 15th, I was in a car accident. This mishap completely changed my world. Thankfully, there was minimal injuries, but the damage done to my wheelchair van was extensive. ($17,000 worth)
At this point it was very clear to me that my word for 2014 was in fact perseverance.
Perseverance, hmm.... what is that exactly? So I looked up the definition.
Perseverance- Steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
Oh boy, the Lord was really laying one on me this year with that kind of word... but ok.. Let's do this!
Anyway, after a 6 week long battle with the insurance company, they decided to repair my vehicle instead of totaling it out.This was huge, because there was no way we would have been able to afford a new one. So thankful for the Lords provision.
So my vehicle went in for repairs. That means I was stuck in the house. There was no way for me to get my wheelchair any where (this sucker weighs a ton!)I do have a push wheelchair, but to get me in an out of the car and into someone's house was very difficult. so during the time that my vehicle was in the shop which was about 5 months, I was pretty much a shut in.
Meanwhile, in January, we really had a scare with Adam. He suffered a T.I.A (mini stroke).
He was at the store with Quincy and called me asking for prayer as he didn't know what was happening to him. He said he had blind spots in his eyes and words were hard to form. Yet, at the same time he proceeded to read me the ingredients to a salad dressing??? When I asked him why he was doing that, he said I don't know, I need help. Immediately, I started looking up his symptoms and everything told me to get him to the hospital NOW!!! so I had my sister pick him up and take him to IMC emergency. After a series of tests, it was confirmed he had a mini stroke caused from Atrial Fibrillation and high cholesterol (we've always known that, it's hereditary) and they kept him overnight for observation. He started medication to thin his blood and a few weeks later, he had a T-cardio version. Which is a procedure to shock his heart back into rhythm. Praise the Lord, the procedure was successful!! Adams heart was back to pumping normal. Phew!
One week later, after Adams procedure, I started a new medical treatment. Low dose chemo with Rituxin. (talk about a stressful time) But, I really was hopeful that this was going to be something that would jump start my immune system to allow my body to heal.
At the time, we also started a new diet- Paleo. In our minds we really wanted to be disciplined and succeed on this... we've been encouraged to do the Paleo diet for years to change the course of our health so we thought we'd give it a shot. But it really was hard. The kids did it for maybe 2 weeks and then they had it.. so we started slacking and then boom... diet failed. we might have been on it for a month. SMH! Maybe that's partly why I did completely amazing during the 4 weeks of treatment. Really no side effects. I had good energy and a good attitude! But, this was short lived, about 3 weeks after, I hit a wall. The m.s was the worst it's ever been. I felt like I was in an ongoing relapse for months on end. I won't share the details of every mishap cause it pretty much was every day, but this was a very challenging and trying time for us.
I lost all of my independence for a while I had to have others help me do even the most menial of tasks. Therefore, emotionally, I was a mess too. I wondered who I was any more. I lost myself. My days pretty much consisted of going to the bathroom at least 15 times a day because I lost all bladder control and then being stuck there for up to an hour each time cause I had no energy to get up.
I was completely defeated and I truly didn't understand how this was part of Gods ultimate plan for my life.I knew that the Lord has been faithful in the past so he wasn't going to leave me now, but I sure had a hard time understanding.
I was on an emotional roller coaster. Some days I would wake up, full of energy and ready to tackle the day. I'd do my morning studies, ready for God to use me in any way He sees fit, then I'd have to go to the bathroom and I would fall on the ground.... op, defeated and crying the rest of the day.
This was almost a daily ritual and it was wearing on all of us. I'm beyond thankful for my husband and all the things he's done for me. But I could tell he was defeated as well. I can't imagine the turmoil that a partner / caregiver goes through. As a man he wants to be able to fix everything- make everything all better. But so many times I heard him say I don't know what to do- I feel helpless. And we would cry out to God together, completely broken just for a glimpse of hope.
On top of the turmoil we were facing, I was consumed with feelings of guilt.
I felt like a patient instead of a wife and a mother. I was no longer able to contribute to help with anything around the house or the physical care for our children. This was not how I envisioned our life together.
The enemy had me right where he wanted me. I was Lifeless, defeated and questioning Gods goodness. Anyway I turned, resistance was there. I even started getting defeated just from reading God's Word and reading His promises- feeling as if they weren't for me. Sad to say, I withdrew from God- not closer. But even in this dark, dismal place, I could feel God's presence with me telling me to not give up ( perseverance) and I was reminded that "He that is in me is greater than he who is in the world." (1 John 4:4)
